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  SOFT AND SOUND
 
​ 

Ask Not What Your Horse Can Do For you

10/5/2014

2 Comments

 
(Or)

...How my horses have saved the NHS a fortune

I hear a lot of people talk about their horse being a tonic, the thing in their life which gives them some relaxation time. I also hear a lot of people complaining because they just want to ‘go for a nice hack’ or how upset they are that they can’t do the things they want to do with their horses. After all, we spend a lot of money on our horses. We buy them rugs, new headcollars, we put them in nice stables or turn them out in lovely fields. Why wouldn’t they just give us one hour a day of their time to do what we want to do? However, I don’t think it works like that. Although I know my horses like their field, and seem to enjoy the copra I feed them, and two of them appreciate the rugs I put on them in bad weather, they don’t actually owe me anything in return.

I used to have a horse who was a  ‘tonic’. Megan was a confident, independent minded mare, who was happy to take me around the countryside. She would bravely jump whatever was put in front of her and apart from occasionally not stopping, pretty much did what was asked of her. She didn’t need me to be a particular way as she could take care of both us of, thank you very much. Then I had dear Texas Rose, who was a sweet, easy horse, who would pretty much ignore my state of mind as long as I didn’t ask for too much high speed. Then Gou. There isn’t enough space in this blog for Gou.

So, this brings me to Tycoon. Tycoon ‘should’ have been my straightforward horse. He appeared to have no major physical issues, and no glaring behavioural ones. When I tried him out for half an hour in a small sand pit, his ability to deal with loud noises, or things coming from the right hand side, or people doing unexpected things, wasn’t really put to the test.

What I wanted in Tycoon was a horse to ‘do stuff with’. I wanted to hack over Dartmoor, and further my horsemanship (without too much hassle, ta) and do some snazzy stuff in the school. What, it turned out, Tycoon wanted, was for me to raise my game and learn how to handle myself better.

For a long time I thought that spending time with my horse would make me feel better by default. What I have now realised is that practicing the way I NEED TO BE when I am with them, is actually the best thing I can do for my mental wellbeing .

I once watched Tom Widdicombe standing with a large anxious TB on the end of a line. The horse was darting about all over the place and couldn’t find a place to relax. Tom sent a very small flip down the rope, so small it was almost imperceptible, which immediately relaxed the horse.  Tom wasn’t actually publically working with the horse at this stage, he was just holding it for someone while Sarah talked (and talked, and talked...). Watching it happen pulled me up short. He hadn’t said ‘No, stop that’ to the horse, but it seemed he had said something like ‘Hey, You’re ok. Let’s just hang out’.  Whatever Tom offered that horse was something the horse understood.   I wanted to find the thing in me which would help horses to relax like that.

 I cannot expect working with horses to make me feel relaxed, but I can practice the things I need to do which might help them feel relaxed. I cannot expect working with horses to make me feel valued, but I can work with them in a way which tells them we are both ok. I cannot force the horse to breathe (BREATHE you B******!), but I can learn to manage my own breathing. I can’t expect my horse to be the same every day, but I can learn to be as consistent as possible.

Tycoon will not tolerate a tightness in me. If he feels it, he’s out of there.  But interestingly he can handle me being honest. He can handle my grief if I am open with him about it. He can handle my frustration if I explain to him that is what is going on. He can handle me getting muddled up as long as I claim it as my mistake not his.  He just can’t handle me wanting to get something done for the sake of my ego, or because I want to prove something, or because I have a particular end goal in mind.

What working with this little brown horse has helped me to do is well, well beyond the ‘tonic’ of riding around the block looking at the countryside. Or winning a rosette. Or showing off in front of your mates. He has taught me some things about how to manage my emotional wellbeing  in a way which meant I survived at a time in my life when everything in my head told me I couldn’t go on. He personally couldn’t give monkeys about what has happened in my day, he just needs me to meet him in a place which isn’t going to give him any hassle, thank you very much. What I had to practice in order to make sense to this horse also helped me enormously along the way.

So, rather than turning up and thinking that your horse ‘owes you a good time’ imagine what it would be like if you could learn how to ‘be’ in way which is most useful to him.  Who knows, maybe it might help you out too.

 

2 Comments
Fi
11/6/2014 12:16:22 am

Kate, I am so thrilled to have discovered your blog, and even more so to hear about your experiences with Tycoon. I never normally write on blogs or message boards but you have inspired me to do so! I have been (and remain, currently on what I hope is the beginning of the next upward trajectory...) on the biggest emotional and intellectual ride of my life since I bought Monty (his Spanish name is Impostor) in March 2013. He's not a PRE (although was sold as a PRE without papers) but bred in Valencia - he's a little more on the mustang side, but his approach to life sounds uncannily like Tycoons.

Being a naturally anxious person, I have come to realise that we are probably not the best suited of partners. He is hard-wired to my brain the minute i am in the saddle, and lately that has not been a good place to be, for me or anyone else! Fortunately, it would appear the preoccupying problem that has been causing me so much stress, is very likely to be satisfactorily resolved, so i am in a MUCH better place than i have been. Despite several well-meaning friends and family gently suggesting that perhaps he is just not the right horse for me, I cannot walk away from him, because I know it's not him - it's me, and if I change the way I am around him and learn, as you say, to come to him without bringing my issues along, we will be able to get on just fine. But, that is turning out to be the most difficult thing I have EVER tried to accomplish! And also the most intellectually consuming and enlightening process I have ever attempted.

I also wanted to say how affirming it is to read your take on all that NH stuff (not that, of course, everyone practising NH is the same) that I've always felt uncomfortable about (never quite got why a horse should have to "submit"). I sing from Mark Rashid's bible much more comfortably (often until the OH glazes over...). Unfortunately (well, it's not unfortunate generally other than in this context!) I live in France so really struggle to find like-minded horse people to work with, though I am fortunate enough to know a wonderful woman who I occasionally am able to ride with (she rides her 9 year old PRE stallion out on her own - no hat, on the buckle - with her four dogs, all around the vineyards). That's my dream - and in life it's so rare to see a dream personified! Anyway, I don't often come back to the UK (too many animals...) but am buttering up the other half for some time off to come to one of your events!

Oh, and The Waterboys are brilliant - especially The Whole of the Moon (though I am particular to "if you'll be my enemy, I'll be your enemy too" when in a fighting mood!).

Take care and lookIng forward to many hours reading your back (and forward) blog!

Reply
Kate Sandel
11/10/2014 04:53:30 pm

Hello Fi

Thank you so much for your comment, and I am really pleased to hear that my blog is providing useful reading!

I think that sometimes, even with the most calm and level headed of riders, some horses will still have a natural disposition towards higher levels of anxiety. Iberians (or cross breeds) are interesting, as they seem to be extremely willing, but their high levels of sensitivity can make them quite worried. You see a lot performing at a 'high level' but they show signs of extreme tension (teeth grinding, very tight necks etc.). I think the downside in noticing that stuff is that you can end up being paralysed by it - well I know I have been anyway.

One thing that has really helped me on my journey with Tycoon is having two much more level headed, less anxious horses to balance him out,and to give me the opportunity not to have to work with such extreme attention to detail ALL of the time! Not that I am suggesting you buy another horse, but sometimes it's nice to have a horse around that gives you a bit more room to make mistakes and not always be the absolute best version if yourself!

Of course it is always lovely to meet another Waterboys fan, I am currently making my way through the 120 songs on the Fisherman's Blues box set! Whenever I get down about how hard it is to forge a path of horsemanship which is true to what I believe in, then I think about Mike Scott spending three years in Spiddle trying to produce that record...

It would be lovely to meet you if you do make it to the UK, although with the weather we are having at the moment, France sounds like a good option!

Kate x

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    Kate Sandel. Works with horses and people.

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